May 30th, 2009

Of all the stupid things to do in your life, you chose to do this. You chose the easy way out, instead of being a man and just saying what you feel. I don't think you are capable of that anymore, and it seems that I should've known this all along. You've proved me wrong yet again. Congratulations, you are the billionth person to let me down.

May 28th, 2009

You convince me that you know about what you speak of, that you are the angel sitting to my right, telling me to stop this. But I can't help but doubt your choice of words. Our communications are bound just as tight; where is this source of information that you receive these feelings from? Although I put my complete trust in you, neither of us know the full story until we read the complete novel. Let me mess up this time so that when I reach the part of the book that doesn't mean my standards, I can suffer by my own doings, not yours.

May 27th, 2009

When you're friends with someone who is the exact opposite of you personality-wise, what do you do? It's not a simple task, working with forces that are just built to be against you. Like the opposing winds of a hurricane, can we find a simple fix to this or end up just causing our own destruction? In a situation similar to this, the initial reaction would be to just move on, find other friends. But when that person is just too infallible to lose your grip on, do you fix yourself? Are you the problem?

May 26th, 2009

These are the times that I wish I could talk to you on a regular basis, let you know the right and wrong things to do. Carry me upon your shoulder and I'll whisper in your ear about this monstrosity of a person that continues to weigh you down. My heart says to let you go, that you know your limits, but there is no way for me to be completely sure of this. Since I cannot do this for you, I'll just have to sit back and wait as your future changes with every word you say to her and hope the syllables that escape your lips are the right ones.

May 25th, 2009

A walking contradiction, that's exactly the phrase to call you by. It is something that rings a bell not only to me but the others I coexist with. When discussing your less than appropriate or healthy behaviors standing alongside your sweet disposition, it is easy to mistake you for two individual people with completely different personalities. Which is the one I should judge you by? Or should I just wait and see how awesome you can truly be?

May 24th, 2009

Rhetorical questions pop up in my head with no one but myself to answer, even though I know I do not have the aptitude to do so. It's the reason they appear there in the first place--to linger where they don't belong and nag at my brain, waiting for an answer, but nothing comes. I write them down here in an effort to locate the reasoning as I go, but with no luck. Will anyone ever be there to answer my questions?

May 23rd, 2009

I feel so sick. My insides want to fall apart, my heart wants to split in two. Is this your fault? Or mine? I can't stop you from this. No one ever stopped me. It's like a battle that only I am fighting because you have nothing to lose. I can lose everything at this point, a limit created only by me.

May 22nd, 2009

Faces in a sea of unfamiliarity dwell til I shut my eyes, but even then do they sit behind my lids, waiting to taunt me. I have wasted my time here, and you are no exception. Maybe I could just forget about you for now, until everything is set in place, and there is no room for doubt, no room for you. Will things be better off this way?

May 21st, 2009

Rip through my every limb, make my muscles scream to the point that no sound fills the lack of air around me. Pain is what reins here; love is but a myth. It seems that trying too hard gets you nowhere. If you sit back and let the pain immerse you, you'll be surprised to find that relief will seek you out.

May 20th, 2009

"Every action in this world will bear a consequence," that's what I've been told for as long as I can remember. Well, I guess you are the consequence of my subconscious actions. Is this a consequence I can relish? Or one that I will dwell under for the rest of my life?

May 19th, 2009

Bound by paper but distanced by dimensions, you are all but a stranger to me. Nearly two decades to differ but so much to call us close, I can't help but stop and make me question myself. In an evaluation to find out more about you, I end up learning more about myself than I ever thought I would. Did you ever think I could make it this far? I don't know how I could possibly just let all this time pass me without knowing a single thing about you--me, well, us. I am told that I need to be you, but there's nowhere to go since our actions mirror each others, our feelings mimicking in the most viral way I can think of. You have become a threat, but I can't seem to shake this, not to mention you are yet another exhibit of my self-inflicted pain.

May 18th, 2009

You haven't changed me at all. You are just here to lift this weight off my shoulder, make me feel like everything I've done wrong is nowhere near as bad as what you've truly done. But I don't feel that much different when I sit here and think about it. Although you reach a completely new level of this dreaded feeling that dwells inside me, I can't feel any more relieved about this.

May 17th, 2009

Is it possibly to suffocate yourself so that there's no room for your faults to be noticed? Spend every waking moment immersed in action so that you never have to be aware of what you do wrong? I can't imagine this lifestyle, but I can sure as hell try, because not having to think about you will only make everything go up from here, seeing that you're the biggest thing holding me back.

May 16th, 2009

Think about it this way--in the Garden of Eden, do you honestly think Eve would have eaten the apple if she didn't have any idea it was there? The snake tempted her, made her believe it was more than what God told her it was. The snake convinced her to believe that it wasn't temptation, but true fate, and that if she ate the apple, everything would be okay. She didn't listen to God because she dealt with temptation, and if you get rid of the temptation, how can you defy what you know is right? You don't know anything else unless you've been tempted to be taught so. Why should you start now?

May 15th, 2009

It seems that every word spoke just begs for a response, so I'll do my best to provide you with mine. I don't think you'd understand if I said exactly what I was thinking, or if I told you that everything that was running through my head in some way, shape, or form magically turned into something just remotely about you. I can't stand this. Can you take this temptation away from me?

May 14th, 2009

You are the last person that I'd ever want to feel this way about, but you've left me no other choice. I can't stand having to deal with your seemingly perfect and talented life. You are doing things I wish I could do but would never in a million years have the ability to. Everyone is after you, even if you don't notice it. And I can't stand being around that, but you are too close for me to let go. Although you have this watercolor portrait of a life, there's no way I could stop this friendship. I know, however, that it's not as good as it seems.

May 13th, 2009

I'll let my playlist sing until it feels like the only one you are speaking to is me, so every term of endearment is personalized for my enjoyment. I'll scream the words until I believe that this love letter you wrote is addressed to my ears. I'll blast the speakers to make this valid, as much as it takes to get you to know how badly I want this, as long as someone has the guts to pull me back down.

May 12th, 2009

Deep breathing is all it takes to relieve yourself of this intense pain you experience. The pain you feel is only self inflicted; this is all your fault. There's nothing promised at the end of this--it's only a bounty you create within yourself. You think that after all this work, all this suffering, you'll reach the end of this rainbow and seize the pot of gold. You'll nine-to-five it, making this your self-obligation and end up disappointed. Take a step back for two minutes and maybe you'll get out of it.

May 11th, 2009

Blessed with the gift of writing? I beg to differ. It only works in your favor half of the time, the other portion is just a well-constructed way to ruin your life. You could reveal every secret you swore you'd keep in a single stanza. Hidden clues, if they're not so hidden at all, will devastate your secret identity. It's all too hard to keep up with these consequences. Now you decide, is the ability to sway with words a sign of competence? or is it merely a curse to be the downfall of us all?

May 10th, 2009

At the end of the day, we can look to each other and see what was lost, find yet another thing. Is that how it always works out? You lose one thing in exchange for another? Sometimes, it's not like that. Sometimes it's just a lose-lose situation, and there is nothing in the world that could alter these fates. You won't even have to utter a word for my thoughts to follow yours. It's an instinct I can't shake, a feeling I can't rid myself of. Tomorrow we'll walk out of this, alone yet juxtaposed in this shattered picture frame. Will we ever get out? Can we ever walk away from this?

May 9th, 2009

It's the awkward sort of stare when you know you aren't supposed to be looking. That's the one that caught my eye, the one that had me tearing myself up for the whole night because I can't do something right for once. It's the cute look you get with pearly whites and squinty eyes, looking for more than just a girl with nice looks. Are you looking for someone with class, or an ass? The latter I cannot fulfill, but I don't disappoint for the former at most times. I wish people could hold true to this value, but it never occurs, not even in the most classy of trashy. It's the stare tag game you play, switching glances only to find the other looking away just as you turn. Could our first move be our biggest, last, and only mistake?

May 8th, 2009

In six hours, a lot of things can change. Perspectives come into play and are affected by things taking place in the surrounding atmosphere. People can fall in love, with a person or their eloquent words, the same way you tripped the first time. Rivers can break boundaries and walls between people; hearts can race at 100 miles per hour, sped up by adrenaline. How could such a short span of time change what you thought? The very concept of a knew perception makes for you to regret your choices, regret your decision to cease all affections. This is when the biggest lies come to the playing table, a sad attempt at covering up what was "lost." You have six hours to relive the beauty and pain of being just barely out of reach. Why then, is it so hard to admit what you've truly known all along?

May 7th, 2009

Three cards of a kind? I don't think so. But the possibility is creeping up on me now more than ever. Following suit was never my style, and this time won't be any different. I'd rather play 52 Pick Up than Blackjack. I've seen what it does to the players, how it changes them. The drama of the game gets to you and plays with your head. By the end of every day, the emotional exhaustion is too much. I've played that game before, drawing an ace and thinking what I had was the most valuable thing on earth. But, I was wrong, and it was expected to have the lowest value, ending up as a disadvantage instead. Could the lowest value card, though, help you when your count is twenty and you're on the verge of winning? And how could you predict such a game of chance so as to play it right?

May 6th, 2009

I can sit here and blame you for every laceration I can count across my arms, but I won't. No, they're not visible, not to you at least. They are merely a reminder for my own hindrance. Why would I let you see my weakness? So you could use it against me just to tell me what I already know? I don't need a wisdom lesson from you. I've got my parents for that and unfortunately, they do a good job of it. If they didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here and telling you all of this. Perhaps I can start with a few words you don't recognize--I'm sorry. Does that phrase ring a bell? You're probably not too familiar with it, seeing as you've never regretted a single appendage of our lifeless relationship. My own words were at fault, not you or your actions, but if you were able to change something about what happened to us, would you? Is there something that you could have done differently to have made it work out?

I think you might be my fault. And for some reason, I don't regret a second of it.

May 5th, 2009

Deals with the devil only end in disaster. Once made, they can't be broken. The sacrifices you made to get where you are are just a slip up away from selling your soul. It's all about the wording; the fine print is what will be the death of you, and if you make one wrong interpretation, he'll twist your words and the life you once knew will disintegrate.

May 4th, 2009

Short fuses always have the potential to ignite everything surrounding it. When covered in oil, it could create a mere spark which will be the destruction of an entire society. Like the intensity of a hurricane, you ease in through the pain, the wind's brute force only growing stronger as you inch closer to the center. But in the eye of the storm, there is time to examine the debris, the limbs of trees scattered like the remains of broken people. It can take days or just a split second, but what's left to clean up is more than anyone should ever have to endure. As soon as the storm passes, the pain is over, but the scars are permanent.